Here’s a few clues:

•Do you find another’s pain amusing?

•Do you seek out learning things that hurt those around you and attempt to cause pain for your amusement?

•Is your main response to someone telling you something you did caused them pain to call it a joke or to outright dismiss their experience per your personal opinions of what should and shouldn’t harm others?

•Do you hear why something hurts someone and decide it wouldn’t hurt you even for that reason in an attempt to validate your behavior while dismissing their needs?

•Are you unwilling to make space for anyone’s different needs because you expect everyone to feel like/ need what you do?

•When someone shares pain caused, is your response to dismiss their pain with comparing your own or even attempting to claim being in pain from the person who initiated the difficult discussion?

•How do you respond to ‘no’; do you attempt to negotiate/ coerce for the answer you seek? Do you do what you want to them anyway? Do you mock them for having boundaries that are different from your own?

•Was your response to someone ending a connection with you after you refused to value their needs, pains, and no’s to attempt to get everyone you know to side with you by bashing the person who tried in earnest to maintain a connection with you despite already being hurt?

•Have you decided that you have the right to decide anything for anyone else?

•Are you insistent on the right to punish people who do not submit to your decisions of what others need?

•Do you judge people without taking the time to be curious about them?

•Do you ask leading questions and get frustrated when someone answers outside what you set up?

•Have you discovered someone you couldn’t control attempted to get beyond your social circle to regain a life outside your control of people’s opinions only for you to seek out locals in their new location to aide them in misconstruing any efforts made by your target?

•Do you believe some entity gave you the right to control and demean others in order of a (man made) hierarchy?

•Can you admit when you’re wrong about facts? What about when you’re wrong about those around you?

•Do you tell people they aren’t/ shouldn’t be hurt even when the pain they express is outside of an experience with you?

•Have you been threatening to those confronting you?

•Do you box your shoulders out, raise your voice, stand over people, or make loud noises in response to even the smallest conflict like someone in your close circle being concerned about some self harming behavior you’re doing?

•Do you consider recognizing different needs and limits “woke” as a way to dismiss anyone unlike self?

•Have you jumped on the ‘empathy is a sin’ bandwagon despite knowing from grade school history that empathy is what built civilization?

•Do you believe no one changes while also expecting others to change for you (like tolerating the pain you cause them or changing personal boundaries to meet your needs)?

•Have you left bruises on someone and attempted to convince them their bodies are too sensitive instead of apologizing for wounding them?

•When you enter a room or situation, do you size people up compared to self to feel secure in self as well as an authority in the space?

•Are you doing something you know hurts someone else to laugh with others causing the same pains to create personal community while denying the same to the target?

•Do you consider needing others weakness? What about saying ‘thank you’?

•Are you unwilling to compromise or find alternative ways to meet your needs outside of causing harm to others &/or the environment? 

•Do you demand those you hurt silent while claiming innocence and ignorance as a means of self defense?

•Have you been known to treat the world like a trash can while proclaiming someone ‘lesser’ would take care of your mess?

•Do you seek out support from others who have vocalized their ‘right’ to harm others?

•Have you lied and blamed the person for believing you as a way to further evade honesty even with self?