Fair warning: Bible verses sort of contradicting ahead along with some trauma refrencing.

I do try to stay out of religious shaming. It’s harmful for the whole and is beyond my personal beliefs. See as an Omnist, I believe everyone is right about what they need, especially religiously. Who am I to judge another? Share my stories, offer support: surely, as it is from my reality and love that finds willingness to be open. But to shame a religion or its text is to place harm on a whole person’s existence. Often times a life long pursuit of finding a truth that fits their needs best. So do take my coming criticism with a grain of salt, at biggest. Really, just atoms arranged on a page…

I want to start by saying, I find fault in using pieces of any biblical story and assuming whole truths. Yet each of these coming are written as one would laws: to be taken individually, though in different times/parts of the whole from different hands/minds. Furthermore, each person reading will have a personal shift in interpretation from their own views points/experiences. Nothing I wrote next is meant to be the end of the discussion, simply an observation mixed in with a need to question further as without questioning there is no room for growing. Blindly accepting things is how the Nazi army killed millions, well that and participation of large corporations.

Matthew 7:7 AMP

“Ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find; knock and keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.”

My grandfather recently reminded me of this quote as I am coming up on yet another gap in housing. Perhaps the solution will arise in the next two months, or another trauma cycle will ensue. Either way, I survive… or at least try. The problem is when he spoke this to me I thought of the men that didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. They did what they wanted, found ways to manipulate, including the age old annoyance of asking repeatedly until I surrendered to something I never sought, thusly, ending my willingness to engage further with that person/man. Yet, here it sits in the Bible, golden advice offered by my family. People who cannot hear me demanding I listen is ‘amusing’/challenging enough, I didn’t take the energy to share how it hit me.

(Yes, if one does not try, they will never be heard, but hear me when I say after a lifetime of shaming racism at every meeting, warring with them on a woman’s right to choose, and asking why a poor farmer would protect the taxes of the 1%; in the same conversation he advised me to keep being a conservative a secret, though I have never been. He simply throws away my words as if they were sins. So yes, I’ve earned my right to move along and surrender my blade in that room where I have repeatedly learned there isn’t any for me. I love and value this man despite his humanity. Just further evidence that people hear/retain what they want to.)

So being me, I immediately sought to find the whole story behind these words only to see its about prayer and opportunities denied. A lesson of persistence. Then I remember that someone seeking conversion to Judaism must ask repeatedly. To me anything ignored is a passive ‘no’ and meant to be respected as not everyone has the capacity to speak their needs or from autonomy. Yet, religiously, one is encouraged to harass/ beg someone into submission. This is manipulation. This behavior lacks respect for the other’s boundaries and makes asking for sex repeatedly then gaining it turn into rape. It’s psychological pressuring.

In all my traumas, I declare words have hurt me more and deeper than any physical wound. They stay around longer; scientifically that is because social needs like having connection/touch is a biological requirement. Even those far from society find ways to meet this in talking to trees, resting in water, finding friendship with animals. The body knows and will choose submission for survival when proper alternatives are not available. This is why relationships without community connection often lend towards controlling abuse. It’s a simple way to gain control of another’s psyche to remove a well spread root system. So someone one cares about asking over and over is turning lock mechanisms, yes lock picking the no given. Easily this can show targeting by people who recognize someone solo is less likely to maintain their ‘no’. Salesmen do this, just as often as rapists/domestic violent abusers.

Which brings me to this verse:

Matthew 5:37

Amplified Bible

“But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’ [a firm yes or no]; anything more than that comes from the evil one.”

It comes from the sermon on the mount. Likely highly recognizable. Yet, its implication is that a human can be like a rock, unyielding to pressures around them. What a beautiful perfection that is to seek, but reality screams there’s more to the story, as I explained above. We are our communities. The people around us give us the support we need to grow or stay the same. They confirm our fears or challenge them by supporting our dreams. They are the roots that offer nutrients and support; but not everyone is granted that or the connection to another presence like the Christian God. Even if they are aware, wounds can come from any proclaiming safety in numbers or belief sets.

Take it from me, someone that learned in childhood even a youth pastor can be a rapist, and as an adult even a yogi leader can feed betrayal’s flame until the social abuse is all consuming leaving no roots or nutrients. The labels family or friend mean nothing the moment someone decides to harm on the basis of their own interests, even for the entertainment of pain shared.

The bottom line is this quote points to evil when ‘no’ is changed to ‘yes’. Sounds like Jesus was confirming my bias of manipulative pursuits that of harmful intents. What if the first I wonder? Discernment? Personal persistence for growth? Or perhaps the awareness that the question needs to be asked elsewhere until it finds a willing ‘yes’, as the request itself still holds a need…or someone wouldn’t bother to speak.

(Yes, that means I acknowledge my rapist’s needs for connection and/or control… doesn’t mean they were right to steal it or force it on me; does mean even painful actions have whys hidden inside. Sometimes people forget they can meet needs in self, including connection/control.)