Ableism Experienced and Explained:

*Mood shift shaming… between the PTSD, endometriosis, and POTS any emotional shifts are due to my disabilities. The adrenaline effects as I am loaded with it to make my heart pump proper included. Yup that means when I have a ‘temper’ or crying or even select mutism… it means when I am edgy or over explaining. If I am shaking or unable to eat. When you tell me I would be great ‘if I could just be calm more often’ it exudes evidence that you choose to not understand my triggers or my heart’s failure to keep my blood pressure high enough to keep my heart moving. Not to mention the excess pain and hormones that come with endometriosis…

*Food sensitivities … not willing to eat somewhere/thing safe and expecting me to pay the physical price or eat only raw veggies/salad is a huge ableist issue. (Most dressings have dairy even if they don’t seem like they would. Yes even some vinaigrettes.) Sure I choose to occasionally break my body’s rules, but that’s only when I have my needs met enough to not be sick long or for the sick to not stop me.

*Pronunciation shaming: I have a stutter and speech disorder, add that many of the words I know are from reading and bam ableism. Mocking people for speech patterns is so outdated, and yet adults even in my generation regularly do it.

*Calling me lazy when I am really exhausted… I have POTS. My heart is doing more work than others even for basic things like standing and walking. I used to chug coffee to relieve the exhaustion but now my digestive system can’t take it regularly. Shaming me for needing extra rest by attempting to bully me into doing more only illustrates a lack of compassionate understanding on your part. I’m not lazy, I’m depressed because of my body’s limits. I wish I could do more. If you can’t see it, that’s your ableism blinding u.

*Being upset at my failure to remember your name or getting the name of something wrong. Seriously, this is an aspect of PTSD, but once more POTS comes in to play as heart issues also affect memory retention and recall. Think of the body as in survival mode simply for having a defect, it has no connection to needing names of things, only a focus on getting itself regulated by any means necessary even if things like adrenaline and cortisol cause disregulation in another aspect of the body. If I could magically remember names, so many of my social issues would disappear, but I can’t which leaves it on the other to accept me despite it. Guess what? People typically don’t. Instead it’s used as an excuse to dismiss my intellect and input.

*Poverty shaming… yes this includes mocking my clothes for holes and being out of fashion. It includes shaming me for going to art events just to look as I haven’t funds to buy/support the artists. It includes telling all about the expensive things you do and proclaiming that I could of come along as if it was anywhere near in my budget. It includes shaming me for feeding my animals hard food, just as much as its ableism to know of my poverty and attempt to talk me into buying services that are not appropriate or applicable to me or my pets. (This falls under classism as well…layered -isms are heavier to get out from under to be seen for the real me.)

*If you find out what triggers/hurts me just to do it and see what happens you are exhibiting ableism. My boundaries and requests for support are not dependent upon you having the same needs… I am not your punching bag/clown and demanding I remain calm while you repeatedly ignore my pleas only illustrates your lack of value for me and my needs because they are different ie due to my disabilities… ableism.

*Ignoring my communication or input/application to help/volunteer is the othering that demotivates. Ableism on this level assumes that because I need help I can not give it… well all humans need help while also needing to be needed. Deciding that I can not have/do either by simply ignoring my communication illustrates an unwillingness to accept my differences as allowable human realities. It’s right up there with isolating to bully someone… only on this level whoever is being ignored starts to doubt their value even when doing something for free. Ps deciding native English speakers can’t help non-native speaking people learn is like enforcing racism from the ableist platform. Sure sharing a language helps someone learn a new one, but it’s not new or unheard of for someone to only speak/share the language they are teaching…

*Not inviting me to events simply because you assume what I will not like or actually show up to is absolutely ableism and falls under the isolating as a way to bully someone for their differences. Sure I may not show up every time I say I will… my body throws curve balls, sometimes I can hardly take care of my needs from a surprise POTS flair or PTSD event, that doesn’t lessen my desire to socialize or have fun, just displaced it until I have energy and a clear mind. Besides, how toxic is it that I am not only shamed for being in flares or triggered but then get socially isolated for canceling my attendance the days where my disabilities are the most intolerable to the general public?! AND how can I get better if people stop including me simply because I have panic attacks that are often in line with my heart issues?

*Meeting with me simply to explain why you’re not going to make time for me… this has happened so many times. People connecting just long enough to explain why I am not on their list of people to make time for… let’s be clear, thinking I need you to explain that you are not my friend while seeking validation from me is twisted ableism. Its like your personal shame somehow gets shifted to my responsibility while also layering on more shame for my differences and the clear choice to not value what I have to offer in time spent.

*This one is for businesses that call themselves helping organizations: deciding I need segregation to receive help is ableism in action. It illustrates an othering that is on a foundational level. The assumption of knowing me fully based on diagnosis only shows how little education someone has on various disabilities. Specifically speaking to domestic violence organizations: neurodiversity happens from trauma alone; dismissing someone in need of support simply because their brain was late diagnosed with autism while leaning on communication difficulties/differences to justify is ableism and just adding to the already abused/isolated/othered mentality that DV already established. Sure diagnosis allows specialized help be made available but when it comes to therapy for DV/trauma, othering people further is only doing more damage. It’s one thing to have someone that speaks the same language but its a whole other to assume someone’s ability to understand based on a diagnosis. If someone spoke excellent English, segregation per race would be rated as outrageous racism… why is it any different for someone with autism? Sorry, NOT!: if you’re a therapist, communicating with a variety of beings with communication issues is absolutely in your job description… heck communication issues are at least half the point of your whole career. Segregation is illegal no matter the reasoning. You chose helping people as your primary objective… stop deciding some people don’t deserve or really need it based on your outdated ideas of autism based in hilter/nazi research. Ps I don’t need help knowing how to socialize… I need a society that accepts differences and uncomfortable enough to create bridges from all sides participating in connection. Who decided autistic people needed to do all the work? Oh yea the ableists that didn’t want to take the time to learn and accept differences even though they are present with ALL humans and not just those diagnosed different.

If I could fix my body or mind, I would… but nothing I have done alone has and my heart issue likely never will. All I can hope for is a place where I am not rejected for my symptoms or the financial situation my health creates.

NOTE: This is not a complete list of ableist practices or events even within my own life. I needed to purge what harm was not my responsibility to control or change, though I admit many times I tried my darnedest to be heard/valued to the point of using controlling techniques as I simply did not want to walk away from the people othering me. It’s incredibly difficult to see so many similarities to have others focus on only the differences enough to avoid/shame me. But I guess for my own mental health I learned to see similarities first, as my differences divided me enough without announcement.