Its so simple,
To be alone.
Nothing complex
About knowing,
what’s in my own head.
So I reach.
Here, there, anywhere…
Everywhere…
All at once,
Slowly,
Following their pace.
Shared tastes…
None of it enough.
•••••••••••
From many faces,
Comes forth bursts of
‘You need to get used to being alone,
It’s the path you were born for.’
College advisors, grief group leads…
Emotional manipulators wearing hats
Like friends, mentors, and therapists.
••••••••••••••••••
How can they not see I am seeking what we all need?
Not from inability to accept
Or enjoy time alone.
How sad I am to hear
The concept of those
Who cannot bear time alone.
It turned from
punishment to safety
Years ago,
In my heart’s home.
•••••••••••
If I try to push my truth forward,
They retort:
Your behavior,
Your differences,
Are valid enough reason.
We need not listen,
Or include.
•••••••••••••••
And of course,
How could I not agree?
I grew up around those,
Who knew not they needed to sit
When they were spitting pure shit,
All over us kids.
••••••••••••••••
And yet that’s not my mother’s
Only Facet.
as No human exists
In one dimension.
We are all gems.
•••••••••••••••
These labels I wear,
A facet each,
None the whole!
Even as each are listed
they can not equate
The infinite being
I was born to be!
Just as a single moment
Even in suffering
Does nothing
But paint the moment’s cover
Onto a person.
•••••••••••
Do you still judge books
By the artwork?
Have you seen yet
That humans are more than your personal experience?
••••••••••
Complex chemicals mixing,
Each of us,
So easy to combust!
Especially when some of us,
Come preloaded
With the very same reasons
Used to validate exclusion.
Perceived on a biological level,
Before a single word is said.
Thats how those that share labels,
But not the same symptoms,
Can trick the systemic
Abuses.
••••••••••••••••
There’s no amount of training
That can overcome having symptoms of different…
Cortisol, adrenaline,
Comes with their own scents.
It’s not conscious…
Ableism has many sources,
Even those beyond common sense…
But maybe thats what people think it is,
To exclude the different,
Instead of mastering their bodies:
Becoming civilized
at a neural net level.
••••••••••••••••
So who is it with the symptoms for exclusion?
The person with biological differences
Or the ones choosing to judge
A whole being
For a moment beyond them?
In other words:
a body that betrays them.
Seems like both have the latter,
Until the one with abilities like a healthy body,
Chooses to interact different.
A real possibility;
As my body betrays me,
And yet, I find a way to do so,
at times.
So are those not doing so,
Unwilling or unable?
Not my place to judge,
Just to move along,
When othering takes primary
And shame the copilot.
Emotional manipulators,
Are not there for themselves either.
•••••••••••••
Ps. You want me to be like you;
If only you could feel
How much I wish that were true.
Why would I want
These symptoms
That so loudly illustrate
My differences?
In reference to: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1566070219302413
And:
My Life Cubed 
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