Not me.

Your judgement

And behavior is on you.

Npcs used to be decided

By race,

Gender, too…

Now its ableist,

And classist…

That doesn’t make it valid.

Just proof of ignorance,

And avoidance of different.

A non-player character is the same as someone stuck in fawn response or in an older generation’s terms a people pleaser; before that known as a servant and a slave prior to that. These labels evolved but represent the same idea: a hierarchy that decides who does what with individualized identity allowed only for the privileged or hyper capable per the society’s allowed parameters. The ‘lower’ on the hierarchy the harder the climb to surmount the odds against success. This is where -ismed math can put someone far enough below others that it takes ‘miracle’ odds to grant recognition or even basic needs met. Inspirational movies/porn comes from the sparse selection that finds foothold to climb out of the socially created hole.

That aside; why would one try? The rock and the hard place circumstances often leaves someone depressed enough to expunge all energy gained. A psychological cornering that renders submission to a system. A domestic violence abuser functions in the same way. A type of coercion to convince the victim there is not alternative than to depend on the person manipulating. This social system convinces those born to it that without an upper or lesser human, no one’s needs could be met. Survival mind kicks in to prevent the trauma of starvation/isolation. Ie whatever technique it takes to survive from current hierarchical placement becomes the motivation.

That is to say that socially certain trauma responses are not only accepted but expected of each placement in the hierarchy. A set of beliefs about who should submit to who without ever verbalizing/discussing the parameters. Who is allowed to have conflict/fight response with who lined up nicely next to who is expected to leave when enough people of one set out number the other. All subconscious and continually being programmed through media, families, even historical distortions that are part of general education.

What happens if those expected to submit start speaking? The other non-player characters/fawning to a system/ in fight mode with self as needs remain unmet which is traumatic to the nervous system turn on the individual challenging it just as crabs pull down the single crab attempting to leave the pot of water rising to boil. It’s a group mentality that believes safety is in following and staying together that is actually no different than being lead to slaughter.

Only as such places were redesigned to maintain calm in submitted following the line all the way up to the kill booth, just as this society has come to embrace the exchange of health for barely surviving ie the lack of a living wage forcing the majority into unreasonable work and life balance… forcing whole countries into poverty/slavery…. All so the sparse few can maintain in the trauma/ mentally ill cycle of hoarding and controlling the masses so that they may continue the cycle of emotional avoidance of impact. Pleasure seeking in luxury to drown out the cries of the children in the mines which allow for the foundation of the entire system of pain passing.

Only its all a farce, and pain still reigns down for the 1%, as its an aspect of life to be expected. Their loss may seem larger than that of a lower settled being, but only because the system allows for exponential mathematic application. Simplified, all loss/ pain/ sacrifice of life/ even grief are equal… just as the people that feel them. Only from that simplified place can healing occur. The baby step of a bite sized approach. Only then can that which once overwhelmed the nervous system can fit outside the body again. Miraculously, thats exactly how one can find another to connect with over shared pain. Until the choice is made to see equality, pain will remain insurmountable. The interconnection the cure. Sharing the weight the only way to stop insisting self’s suffering greater than another’s… and with the egoic idea releases the barriers between and with it all idea of hierarchy.

From this place new foundations that serve everyone can be built. Suddenly assumed needs turn to requests of communication and choices to make room because differences are what makes humanity stronger, even from the weaknesses. Nothing can be made stronger when avoided/ignored. Pain serves its purpose to illustrate where there is room for improvement, instead of forcing a need for the disassociation/repression that is maintaining the current broken hierarchy.

I am not a npc… or a doormat… I am sick of fawn response… and fighting/shaming myself into a submissive space allowed around others. I’m disgusted by the social abuse I face each time I speak up for my different needs. Yet, I lack the energy/ability/health, official education, and funding to be valued for the message I bring as it comes with enough dissonance to the current system, others would rather we all boil. Still, I will continue to claw, but not to the top…just to stay enough above water to breath and beg others to choose something better for each ignoring their basic needs. I love others too much to leave them entirely… I wish I could embrace antisocial enough to detach from the desired interconnection. Ironically enough, that choice might be what allowed others to rise out… except it is not health to disconnect from impact, that is called sociopathic narcissism. So, here/hear I will boil alive crying.