Longterm trauma rendered me a diagnosis of PTSD. In other regions one would call this a complex case of post traumatic stress disorder. It comes with damage to the nervous and immune system as a general rule. Anxiety, yet another given with a trend of addiction, depression, and a whole slew of other mental health struggles. One major trauma what is seems like yesterday and yet ages ago broke the hoard of emotions I had repressed and detached from. “The body keeps the score” became a reality I could no longer deny: my allergies became to everything (at least the majority).
Eventually homeless again, I went to Colorado, totally spent. A failed roommate later with a healthier body from the dry air and ability to be active, I felt refreshed. Determined to cease being homeless and exhausted from poor connection choices, I returned to the area I spent my last years in college. Hopeful to complete and heal so that I could rejoin society. The number of beings I lost spiraling urged I repair if I wanted emotional needs met. And so I set out.
Gratefully placed in an apartment near campus; I was nearly exuberant for a time. It wasn’t long before the migraines kicked in. A few month’s, a broken air filter, and my health decline began. I sought out a doctor, only to hear her laugh in the hallway at the concept of a “toxic” mold. Yet my neurons were screaming out daily. I changed doctors a few months later to face the same laugh from her NP. These beings clearly lacking trauma informed care but more than that, they seemed totally unaware of the neurotoxic effects some mold has on the body. Not to mention total unawareness of how anxiety and communication conflict each other. Regardless, I gave up for more than a year.
I saw doctors for the lung infections. I continued nasal cleanses and multiple allergy medications. One time the ER treated my anxiety for being there instead of the pleurisy that had to be treated a month later at a different ER. I walked to school everyday that month struggling for air. Its called medical gaslighting: it happens to the poor, females, poc, the non-hetero/cis, and the disabled as internal biases are not kept in check in our society.
Next came the fibromyalgia pain. As if the increase in anxiety and inability to self soothe rage wasn’t enough, now my body felt like lightening and fire on a regular basis. My triggers were taking control. A whole new level of rage and depression upon me. A struggle to eat or hold down food as the stress of my body’s illness, the emotional disregulation, as well as an inability to build the community needed in a time of illness . The new doctor seemed to listen and got me connected with a neurologist. Aside from neuropathy in my arms and legs, nothing shows in the tests. My body struggles to absorb nutrients regardless of how well rounded I eat or the number of supplements. I spend most my days weak and struggling for air, not that I would allow my volatile neighbors know that: just a couple of weeks ago one hit another in the face with a brick.
So while all this doctor work was done I sought out aide from the health department, as this proves the home unhealthy: they sent me to the local EPA which never called back, to any of my calls. So I did my own mold tests. $200+ later discovered my assumptions were correct. The neuro-toxic mold was found in the bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom (the highest of the three), regardless of the dehumidifier or $30 hvac air filter.
This is the mold that killed a medical grade air purifier six months in. I started apartment hunting for near my college as soon as my lease was up at a year. No section 8 covered home allowed my chest to fully open once inside. Why move to another toxic place? Whats worse were the homeowners I saw with the same mold patterns in the corners and edges! People suffering from similar mood regulation and body issues. People working hard but still poor with illness making every effort that much harder.
There are no federal or state laws prohibiting rental or sale of homes with mold at all. Some cases have been brought forward in regards to the “nuero-toxic” mold, but in the USA no ground has been won. Other first world countries made this illegal and even condemn buildings with it, as no treatments are safe for humans and effective against the mold.
Each time I clean my house, I spend days sick. I hurried my graduation along for health reasons, and yet have failed to find out of state housing to transfer to as homelessness rates are climbing as the recession they refuse to claim, steals from the working poor. Why was my body and mind healthier homeless and tented? How does this program rehabilitate anyone if healthy homes aren’t offered? I haven’t even discussed how they legalized the lead paint for section 8 with a signature. I think there’s even a mold warning. . . And this is what we call civilized society?
As I continue my rental search to port my section 8 to a state without such conditions due to dryer humidity levels or a colder climate, I find realtors unwilling to discuss with me because I am out of state. Their homeless numbers rising, still section 8 even suggests homeless tenting during port so that I may be rented to via being within state boundaries. My hope for health resting on another homeless time spent. It begs the question, when will the systems do what they claim instead of encouraged what they are meant to solve? How many are jailed over a mold’s effect? How many dead? How many children ill? So many forms of safety are a state matter: why isn’t this? Is my humanity worth less? How can I work out of a brain fog that affects my vision and ability to verbalize?
Back to my rock and a hard place: healthier homeless for another risk as I desperately reach for rehabilitation. How many others don’t even bother as their wounds are blinding them entirely?
Photos of mold and test results follows. While the mold is small, that is due to the dehumidifier and cleaning which caused me to become incredibly sick each time.
This is not safe and healthy housing. This is not a way out of the system or up. It’s a reminder that poverty is punishable. That classism is real and that health is saved for those with the wallet to afford it. I’m still struggling with neuropathy and fibromyalgia pain that didn’t exist before living here. I’ve been out of the environment for nearly two weeks now. Here I am hunting in another city. A bigger one. With hopes of finding space for health. Yet, similar circumstances prevail. -isms are real and traumatic for the majority. Now can we get past the cognitive dissonance of having needs and still being a worthy human?
My Life Cubed 
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