Somebody said

Sarcastically:

Oh what a role model you are,

Covered in ink,

An adult student….

This hurt so deeply. I sat with it… that’s my greatest fear. That people will miss my point entirely. That instead of seeing their humanity is acceptable that they will lash out and avoid me. My desire for self improvement and acceptance of self becoming repulsive to the ablest society I long to be included in. Who am I to lead? No one. I don’t want to lead. I want to curate with many the inclusion our society is missing. The loss of close community has granted dismissal of pains of those far away. As we may find self privileged in this or that way over them… but to do so we have released being human. Feeling joy. Feeling sadness. Leaning into each other as a way to grow and heal as a society. Listening to each other’s pain because their is space beyond our own. Carrying the load as a whole. . .

That human was right. I’m no one to lead. Nor do I want to be. I am a sacrifice for the whole. My struggles, my faults, my failures lay at the feet of any that come before me. Stand with or without: who I am will not change. I’m merely human. Like us all. I long for a world ready to accept that and demand our worth for the whole. Every country left without from the usurped resources. Every modern slave. Every child hungry. I’m making a public choice. May they mock it louder that more hear… I’ll be the butt of the joke if it means even one human hears it’s okay to embrace their humanity. Just one being willing to protect themselves from abuse. Just one standing in their justified no. I don’t want to lead the masses. I want the masses to lift each other.